How To Fix A Marriage With 3 Vital Sign

When we talk about the state of a marriage, we tend to compare it to the human body. If things are going well for a marriage, we call it "healthy". However, if it's going through a rough phase, we think of it as "sick".

To keep your marriage healthy for the long run, it's essential to be aware of the telltale "vital signs". This way, you'll know if all is well or if your relationship needs some work.

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But what are these indicators exactly? Here are some things to look out for:


Vital Sign #1: Dealing With Difficulty

What does this mean?

We all know that conflicts are part of married life. What a lot of couples forget is that the way they handle sticky issues greatly affects their relationship.


What Should I Look Out For?

In particular, there are a couple of key habits that can aggravate disagreements. First of all, assuming that most of your marital issues are caused by your partner's shortcomings (i.e. "He only cares about himself", "She's too possessive") leads to a habit of assigning blame and putting labels.

As the philosopher Kierkegaard once said, "Once you label me you negate me."

Labeling a partner makes you ignore their positive qualities and limit who they are according to the label assigned to them. So if a partner is branded as a "selfish pig" or "control freak", they'll never be anything more than that.

What's more, this mindset distracts couples from the reality that their marriage problems are a SHARED responsibility. Eventually, this perception will cause them to see each other in a negative light and feed a mutual bitterness.

On the other end of the spectrum, there's also the habit of using the silent treatment on a partner during an argument. Instead of peppering the other person with critical remarks or blaming them, some people mistakenly think that they can keep things from escalating with their deafening silence.

The truth is quite the opposite - it makes the other person feel ignored and unimportant. Instead of diffusing the situation, not communicating at all could just fuel the anger even more.


Why Is This Vital To My Marriage?

These destructive approaches to handling conflicts don't attack the core issues of a marriage. Because of these habits, a couple's actual problems end up unresolved.

At the end of the day, the level of hostility remains the same - if not higher than before.



Vital Sign #2: Seeing Each Other Through Rose-Colored Glasses

What does this mean?

If a couple is fixated on each other's faults (as explained in the first vital sign), a good way to deal with this is by creating a more positive atmosphere instead.


What Should I Look Out For?

If you feel like calling it quits every time you have an argument with your partner, chances are there aren't
enough positive emotions in the marriage to fall back on.

So, you should consider if you and your spouse can do the following:

• Can you easily point out what you like about your spouse?
• Are you able to express your appreciation of these positive traits to each other?

John and Susan, a couple from California who have been married for more than 30 years, shares their thoughts on this. "We've never been good at avoiding arguments, but I think we've stayed together all this time because we've always focused on our endearing traits," Susan says.

John adds, "Yeah, I mean we probably get on each other's nerves just as much as everyone else. It's just that she likes to point out what she likes about me in little ways - so I sort of like returning the favor."

Why Is This Vital To My Marriage?

All couples have their share of fights and disagreements, so it's only natural for negative feelings to accumulate over time. That's why a marriage can stay healthy if the people involved can keep these feelings down to manageable levels and replace them with positive ones instead.


Vital Sign # 3: Staying In Touch

What does this mean?

When you first met your spouse, chances are you knew everything about each other. You probably spent hours and hours talking about your childhood dreams, favorite bands or pet peeves.

During the romantic phase of a relationship, people love learning every intimate detail about their partner. It's all part of the excitement of discovering someone new.

After the "reality check" stage of marriage kicks in however, there's a tendency for a lot of couples to become complacent when it comes to knowing each other. The things you know about your partner are likely to change over the years.

So the question is: have you kept up with these changes?


What Should I Look Out For?

First of all, think of all the things you would like your spouse to know about you. For example, do they know that you're anxious at work because of an upcoming promotion that you're aiming for? Does your partner know that your favorite place to relax is that beach resort you both discovered five years ago?

Now ask yourself if you're aware of these similar details about your spouse. Do you know about the things that annoy, scare or excite your partner? If you've forgotten these things somewhere down the road, don't fret - you can always ask your partner about it.

Not only would it make for a great conversation, it's a great way to reconnect with your spouse.


Why Is This Vital To My Marriage?

The level of knowledge you have about each other's individual lives is a good health indicator of your marriage. Being aware of the things that matter to your partner is a powerful way to stay emotionally connected - this is especially vital in times of crisis.

Having this intimate connection will keep you from drifting apart when things get tough. Think of it as a backup power supply when your relationship is running on empty. Being consistently updated with each other's lives is something you can both count on when life's unpredictability hits you.

All in all, having a strong marriage means being aware of the factors that make it healthy in the first place.

Keeping yourself informed of these things helps you zero in on the areas that need improvement. Above all, a proactive approach keeps your relationship as a fit as a horse for years to come.

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Tag: How To Fix A Marriage